Romantic leads must have good teeth...isn't that written someplace?

Good Wednesday morning all!

I took the last two days off of work. I told Bossman it was because I wanted to spend some quality time with my children, who are on spring break this week. Of course, since the Boy is driving, quality time with him is that hazy moment late at night when he wanders into the house and announces the car is out of gas...again.

But the girl is 13 and I have found a sure fire way to get her to watch movies with me.

Pull out the Rated R movies.

Okay, before you throw virtual veggies at me, I'm not letting her watch "Secretary" or anything like that. No, I've pulled out my favorite genre of movie: The big budget historical battle based film. And girl child is eating them up! Gladiator, Braveheart, King Arthur, she loves them all. It's a win/win. She gets to tell her classmates she spent the week watching Rated R movies. I get to watch some of the hunkiest men in Hollywood ride horses, get dirty, and fight for love and honor. (But mostly love, right?)

One thing Girl child did ask while watching "Braveheart."

"Mom, why does William Wallace and his wife have such great teeth when everyone else in the village has terrible teeth?"

Ah, out of the mouths of babes, right?

So many actors and actresses in our generation are getting into the "ugly roles" because those are the roles that win award nominations. Get them dirty, bloody them up, make them wear feces encrusted clothes, it does not matter, we will love them and cheer for them.

Just as long as they have good teeth.

It's a distinctly American thing, teeth. Don't believe me? Check out this movie quote from "A Good Year" (A charming movie starring Russell Crowe, based on a really great book of the same name.)

"I should have known. The only place that produces teeth like that is America."

All the Hollywood directors doing the big historical productions in the last fifteen years want that gritty sense of realism. Never have historical reenactors been so popular. (I love reenactors. They've got it right!) But when it comes to the lead characters, they can be dirty, they can be bloody, but they'd better have the BEST TEETH POSSIBLE.

Watch "Braveheart" for about six seconds. Everyone lives in mud huts, washes in the river, and wears clothes every color of the rainbow, provided the rainbow is brown and grey. But William Wallace and his lady love have the better teeth than most dentists I know.

Not convinced? Let's take it one step further. Watch "Gladiator." (And I know, everyone has at least one problem with the movie. I love it, but this is my issue.) Can someone tell me how a woodsman from northern Africa has such great teeth? In fact, all those slave/gladiators had great teeth? Was that part of the gladiator health plan?

Titanic is another great example of this. Jack is supposedly a street rat, who bums around with French prostitutes and Italian street urchins. Yes, he's got spectacular teeth!

I've decided it's not a bad rule. After all, we want to fall in love with the hero. We want the hero to wrap his arms around us, and kiss us with a passion that will make us melt.

You can't do that with broken, yellow teeth. You just can't.

Oh, and Happy Birthday to Russell Crowe!