Good morning all!
I'll admit it...after pontificating at length about the ugliness of lounge pants in public, I found myself wandering through an antique shop over the weekend in sweat shorts. My only defense? I'd been up late the night before watching "The Proposal" and laughed so hard at that movie that I lost brain cells on Saturday night. That's my excuse and I'm standing by it! LOL!
So I've been knocked down a bit, having seen my slovenliness in full view of multiple antique mirrors. That said, I'll move bravely forward and tell you what else you shouldn't be wearing! LOL!
Here I feel I'm on a bit more sturdy ground, since I'm now speaking to my people...the round, the cushy, the fluffy.
Ladies: Just because they make a size 22 bikini does not mean you should be wearing it!
Guy: Not even Michael Phelps wears a teeny Speedo...that should be a hint for you!
Now that it's August, we've all made that jaunt to the city pool, the water park, the beach, and seen these oblivious swimwear wearers. For the record, I have two swim suits: One is a two piece that involves a tank top and a pair of men's swim trunks. The other is again a tank top with a lovely skirt that has shorts built in underneath. Granted, I don't get a lot of sun on my private bits, but then again, I don't force anyone else to look at my sunning private bits. Being body aware is a big step toward looking good, no matter what size you are. I know, I know, we all want to wear the hot mama bikini. But trust me...I'm a writer which means I spend a lot of time observing people and their reactions...no one outside of a Jerry Springer special thinks a fluffy woman looks hot in a string thong.
And guys...I shouldn't even have to mention this, but there seems to be a resurgence of speedos at the local pool. Olympic swimmers wear LOTS OF CLOTHING in the pool. and they have GREAT bodies. YOU...Mr Swimming laps in a suburban pool while the kids on the other side of the rope are playing water volleyball...you are not an Olympic swimmer and SHOULD NOT be wearing a speedo...and for the love of GOD, please get a new suit every decade or so, because the rotting elastic in your teeny tiny suit is covering NOTHING and KIDS are watching you!
Okay, I'm off my soapbox for the moment, but I have one other thing to mention, and this goes to body awareness for my people. (You know, the cushy, the fluffy, the round.) Shorts. They make all kinds of short lengths, which sounds like an oxymoron, but ponder it: There are skimmers, bermudas, walking shorts, capris, crops, and the like. All of these shorts have an inseam of more than five inches. This is a good thing to know when you are a woman over the age of fourteen, and over a pant size of three.
I walked into the newest addition to corporate consumerism in Waukesha yesterday, following a woman who decided a good idea for shopping attire was a loose, lightweight pair of running shorts. (You know the kind, you see guys running in these "leaves nothing to the imagination" shorts.) As I followed her into the store, I could not help but notice (Again, I'm a writer, I notice these things.) that her shorts, or at least one leg of the shorts, seem to be making a run upward into her nooks and crannies. The resulting look involved a teeny bit too much butt cheek. (Oh, if you're going to wear short shorts, please know whether or not your thighs rub together so that you can avoid the self inflicted wedgie.) The woman in question was NOT a heavy girl at all, but her thighs rubbed together and created the upward creep of her short shorts.
So, folks, when going out in public, here's your tip for dressing: Be aware of what your body looks like in your chosen outfit, and then ask yourself this question: Is this the image I want immortalized in a romantic suspense novel?
Meanwhile...I'm ten days away from seeing Rick Springfield at the Wisconsin State Fair!