Leaving the kids home alone.

Good morning!

So hubby and I are going to celebrate our wedding anniversary tonight. Our actual anniversary is Monday, but who celebrates anything on a Monday?

As luck would have it, I have a free night at the Pfister Hotel in Milwaukee, courtesy of my win on 1029 The Hog's "You Still Can't Win" gameshow. (Note: If you don't listen to Bob and Brian in the morning, I truly believe you need to. They increase your quality of life. Find them streaming at www.1029thehog.com.) Also, my brother gave us a Gift Certificate to one of the many Bartelotta's restaurants in Milwaukee. (It was a Christmas present. More on that in a minute.)

So basically, it's a free night.

Ah, but what to do with the children?

See, the boy is 15, almost 16 and the girl is 12 going on 21. So, logic would say that they should be able to be left alone for a night. I mean, really, we're going to be 20 minutes away, it's not like we're going...out of town! (Okay, sort of out of town.)

So we went over the ground rules with them last night. Both hubby and I work full time, so they have a set of rules already in place for being alone. And since boy child is a big burly sort of kid, I don't worry that anyone is going to attack if they see him. Really, the kid is sturdy and when he wants to he can look really, really fierce. And not fierce like "Project Runway" fierce, but fierce like, "I think I'll try and invade someone else's home because that guy could probably do some serious physical damage to me."

So, with teens, the first rule is obvious. Boy: no girls in the house. Girl: No boys in the house.

Now, those who have been parents of teens longer than we have will see the problem immediately. It took hubby and me a bit to realize our mistake.

New rule: Boy: Only girl allowed in the house is your sister. Girl: Only boy allowed in the house is your brother.

There was a general groan of dissent, but smirky smiles soon dawned on their faces and hubby and I realized again, we'd left a loophole open.

NEWER RULE: GIRL: NO FRIENDS IN THE HOUSE. BOY: NO FRIENDS IN THE HOUSE.

This time our progeny exchanged glances and again, grins of evil lit their faces.

(How on earth did we birth so much evil? Damien wasn't this sneaky!)

NEWEST RULE: NO ONE IS ALLOWED IN THE HOUSE EXCEPT FOR THE TWO OF YOU!

This caused a sense of confusion between the two. Hubby and I were triumphant. We had finally set down the law of the house and could leave for an 18 hour period of grown up time.

Until....

Girl: But what if Grandma comes to the door? And it's raining? And she's bleeding?

(I should explain, the rule in my childhood home when my parents left us alone was: do not let anyone in the house unless you know their first name and they are bleeding. I've tried to enforce that rule in my own home, but I really don't want bleeding people just walking in willy nilly. You'd be surprised at how many bloodied teens do walk through my door.)

Exasperated, I looked at them both and shouted, "NO ONE, NOT NO ONE, NOT NO HOW IS ALLOWED IN THIS HOUSE OTHER THAN THE TWO OF YOU WHILE WE ARE IN MILWAUKEE CELEBRATING 19 YEARS OF WEDDED BLISS."

I'm actually sort of hoping my mother or mother in law shows up unannounced. The drama would be worthy of a solid suspense plot.