Is it all worth it?

Good afternoon!

I just finished re watching "Breaking Bad" which might be one of the best written shows ever. If you

haven't seen it, go to Netflix, to to the video store, or buy it and watch it.  Sure, the subject matter isn't for everyone...chemistry teacher turned meth kingpin...but the writing is so very good.  In watching and then re watching, the series, I find myself asking the main character, Walter White, the following question:  Was it all worth it?

He slaved, he wept, he risked all the make wads of money for his family.  Spoiler alert, it doesn't completely turn out the way he hopes.  Still, you have to ask the question:  Was it worth it?

I know parents, in their heart of heart, ask themselves this question when they slave, weep, and risk everything for their children.  Children are hard.  Raising children, no matter what anyone tells you, is the most heartbreaking, joyful, painful, lovely, shattering, beautiful thing anyone could do. When done right, at the end....well, when done right there never is an end.  Yes, my children would not be happy to hear that!

Writers, we face the same thing.  Is it worth it?

We slave, we weep, we risk for our stories, for our "babies" for that thing we hope will one day support our family or ourselves.  Maybe we alienate friends and family because we must write. Maybe we hurt feelings. Maybe those around us don't understand and we wind up either giving up our passion or we give up those around us.

Is it worth it?

In the case of Walter White, I'm going to go with a "no."  No, making meth and dealing drugs is never going to be worth the risk.  And in the case of raising children, hey, the jury's still out...wait, no, it's totally worth it because someday my kids, who are now nearly adults themselves, will see the worth in what their parents did and understand it themselves as they become parents.

But writing?

Admittedly, my family does not get it.  My son, Peter Bradley, is a published poet, and he gets it on a certain level, although he hasn't had to make a choice between going to his kids' soccer game or writing because, well, he doesn't have a kid.

My daughter writes copiously, but what her dreams are yet, I don't know.  She's eighteen, she's not in her "sharing years."

My husband used to write poetry, but gave it up decades ago. We don't talk about it, why he stopped. Maybe because he got the girl...me.  Maybe because he dedicated his life to the children and the house and the family.  Maybe because he just didn't care about it that much.

For me, the writing career was start and stop. You can look at it from the time I was thirteen until the time I was thirty-three, when I got really serious, and the peaks and valleys of writing coincide with the peaks and valleys of personal life. The unhappier I was, the more I wrote.  That's not the case now, not now that I look on writing as a career, as a job, as something I must do every day.  Getting to this point required risk, however, and loss. Loss of friends, loss of jobs, loss of security.

Was it worth it?

Every writer friend I have has a job that supports them outside of writing and every writer friend I have dreams of the day they can criss cross the planet doing book signings and not have to worry about the light bill or the rent.  And every writer friend I have will tell you that yes, if you want that story to be good, if you want people to read that story and love that story and want more stories from you, then yes, sacrificing a weekend, an afternoon, living late nights filled with coffee and struggling through day jobs because you had to finish the chapter the night before, is all worth it.

For me, it's a resounding yes.  I have produced more since 2009 than I ever thought I could and I continue to write.  I never through I had more than one story in me.  Turns out, I opened that door and I have stories falling through me. It gives me joy, it gives me hope, it gives me focus knowing that a story told well, a story I'm telling, is a story worth having out there. 

So yes, it is worth it.  Sure, I'll never be a Walter White, and that's okay.  Really...that's okay. But I'm proud of my children, through all the struggles we've had they were, and are, worth it, and I'm proud of my "babies."  Each and every word, worth it.

Writers, we ARE Walter White!

Good afternoon!

I recently finished watching "Breaking Bad."  (Don't worry, I'm not going to give anything away.  But yes, you very much should watch this show.)  While watching the final scene of the final episode, I wept.  My husband did not.  And after a few weeks of thought, I know why.

For those of you not familiar with this TV show, Walter White is a high school chemistry teacher who, on his 50th birthday is diagnosed with terminal lung cancer.  His wife is about to have their second child and their high school aged son has special needs, so money is a huge issue for Walter and he wants to leave something behind so his family won't have to worry when he's gone.

Walter's brother-in-law is a DEA agent and one day talks about how much the methamphetamine business in Albuquerque, New Mexico is worth.  Walter gets and idea.  He reconnects with a former student, Jesse Pinkman, and they set out to make the BEST METH EVER!

Now, one would think that Walter White is the bad guy...that he's a very bad man.  And, sure, that's true.  But what was so magnetizing for me, and I think for anyone who dreams of the day they can support themselves being creative, was Walter's dedication to making, and controlling, his own brand of meth.  Like writers and authors should, Walter created a brand for himself, kept very close watch on quality control and marketing.  He set the price, he made sure the money got to him, and he reveled in the fact that this meth was good and it was something no one was going to take away from him.

There were other story arcs in the 6 short seasons  (all of which are now on DVD and probably all on Netflix.) but the final, long stretching one was the one that made me weep at the end.  Walter White protected his brand and his product because it was his and no one was going to take it away from him.

We writers are so very much the same way, or we should be.  We need to decide who we are as writers.  Not what we're going to write, that can change from project to project if we want it to.  But as writers we are creating something, we are creating characters, stories, worlds and we need to put our stamp on it and no one should be allowed to take it away from us.

I'm not just talking about someone stealing our flashdrives and selling our work as their own.  In fact, I'm not talking about that at all, really.  I'm talking about the fact that we as creative people often do battle with those around us who want to stop our creativity or at the very least break it down and make it something far less important.

The boss that won't give you a Friday off to go to a writing conference.

The partner that keeps piling dirty laundry or bills on your desk and then leaves you to deal with the mess.

The kids who won't leave you alone for an hour on a weekend for you to work just a little.

The extended family who, when you tell them you can 't make a family function because you're working and they say, "You're not working, you're just writing."

When I'm wearing the hat, I'm super serious.

We all have something like that in our lives, and I'm telling you all, we need to be Walter White.  We need to protect our writing time and we need to protect what we do. We need to set boundaries, mark territory, if you will, and brand what we do.  We need some sort of signal to those around us that now we are the WRITER and we're serious and no one should mess with us when we are the WRITER.

(Walter White put on a hat.  That's when you knew he was NOT to be messed with.)

We all have time constraints, social obligations, work, family, all of that and that's what threatens to take our writing away from us.  I've struggled with this for years, decades.  Now, after all this time, I think I have it down.  I have to light several candles in my office, pour a glass of wine, and shut the door.  In some circles this might signal a romantic evening.  Not in my house.  In my house this means I am writing and I am not to be disturbed until I emerge, exhausted and probably tipsy, from the office.  No one is to knock, and I don't take phone calls unless fire or blood is involved.  This is what I have to do to protect my precious little writing time.  And the result of  that time is my baby, my story, my book.  And I will protect that book, that story, those characters, as much as I am able in this digital world.

So writers, authors, friends, I say this:  BE WALTER WHITE.  Whatever your motivation is to write, you need to protect your writing and your writing time.

Now, go forth and make meth...I mean, go forth and WRITE!